Today I’m supposed to do a reading of my poetry or flash-fiction at a poetry and spoken words event. I do this every so often, this event is monthly and I’m a member of the organisation that holds the event, but today I opted out.
I have two reasons for withdrawing my participation at tonight’s event and both of them relate to being introvert. Last time, I wrote about performing with my dance group and pushing yourself out of your introvert persona. What I didn’t mention then, is that most performances I do, I do them in a group. Whether it’s singing or dancing (or even acting) it has always been with a choir or with a dance troupe. I like that no one is necessarily going to focus on me the entire performance. Just like you can disappear in a crowd, so you can in a group performance. The exception is doing a reading. The whole purpose is me reading my writing… I don’t enjoy these readings but I have accepted that it’s part of becoming an author.
The second reason is that, like most introverts, I want to be sufficiently prepared. If you are an extrovert you probably think that I over-prepare but how much is too much really is relative to each person. If I’m going to read, or do any other performance, ideally I would know my pieces enough that someone could wake me in the middle of the night and I could stumble through it. I would mark up my notes for where to stress certain words and make notes for what to say between pieces. I’d even like to pick out clothes, hairstyle and make-up that are comfortable and goes with my personality and the event.
It’s fare to say that I’m rarely as prepared as described above but this time, life has caught up with me with all it’s demands and I would have had to wing it. No, thanks!